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Today’s newsletter is all about creating stronger sexual desire.
Any man who has been in a long-term relationship can relate to this problem.
But there are ways how to have more sex!
Good sex advice aside, there is a basic reason why sex lives diminish in relationships.
The main challenge for men is that women who have been with a specific man for a while experience less sexual desire.
Part of the problem is that men expect women to act like men.
Since men who want to be with a women tend to experience desire for her often, they expect women to be the same.
Then when she isn’t as interested in sex later in the relationship, he thinks she doesn’t want him any longer.
Luckily, this is completely not the case.
But the next part of the problem is that women expect men to act like women in a long-term relationship.
Since their own sexual desire flags over time, they expect that the man’s libido is also waning.
This mismatched expectation of the role of sex in long-term relationships has caused more issues than we can even guess
But what do you do about the problem?
How do you save the relationship and get more sex at the same time?
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This study shows how you, as a man, can use these different perceptions to your (and her) advantage — and get a lot more sex.
In my work I see and hear from hundreds of men who complain that their wives or girlfriends are just not that interested in sex anymore.
This study shows why they are not interested.
And it tells you what to do about it.
The study involved three separate phases.
In phase 1, researchers had a man or woman chat over Instant Messenger.
The participants thought they were chatting with their partner, but in reality, they were chatting with a trained researcher.
The researcher would bring up either negative events that happened, or positive events that happened.
Then the researchers would monitor the reactions of the participants.
Phase 1 of the study showed that discussions that focused on positive events caused women to be hornier and more desirous of sex.
That’s not terribly surprising when you think about it, being upset never puts women into the mood.
So the researchers moved on to another phase of the study.
In phase 2, they brought couples together in the same room.
They had one group of couples have discussions about positive events.
And researchers had another set of couples discuss negative events.
They observed both groups from another room.
When they observed the couples who engaged in positive discussions of events, they found that these couples were more affectionate.
These couples were more likely to engage in physical and sexual contact.
The researchers then took the study to phase 3, which was an extension of phase 2.
Phase 3 confirmed and brought together some important conclusions from the entire study.
The entire study ended up focusing on what they call “responsiveness.”
Women are more likely to become aroused and horny when they perceive their partners as responsive to them.
But this was only true when they have a sexual partner already.
Researchers found that it’s different when you’re just getting to know someone versus once you’ve been with that person for a long period.
Men who tried to be responsive early in the relationship, before sex, did not have any arousing effect on a prospective partner.
It’s only when committed partners are together that if the man is more responsive to the woman, the woman desires sex with him more.
This is a really important point.
Men who are trying to meet a girl often try to be “too nice.”
They are too responsive and attempt to cater to the woman too quickly.
This has been found to be a turnoff to women.
If a man is too responsive too early…
women’s desire was adversely affected by partner responsiveness.
Read that over carefully if you’re trying to meet a woman.
Are you being too nice to her?
Are you being too responsive to her?
This actually lowers a woman’s desire for you, if you haven’t slept together.
Don’t get me wrong — you need to treat her with respect, but don’t be what women term as a “puppy” following her at her heels.
But it’s exactly the opposite in a committed relationship.
Women become more aroused and more desirous of sex when their man is more responsive to their needs.
But being responsive is exactly how to get a woman in the mood for sex.
In a committed relationship, that is.
Responsiveness from the man has a greater effect on women’s sexual desire, motivating them to deepen a relationship with a valued partner.
So a responsive partner in a committed relationship is a turn on for a woman.
The researchers found that it was a little different for men.
For men to become aroused and sexually interested, they needed the perception that the woman was responsive and sexually interested in them.
This may be one reason that men are more interested in kissing than women are.
Men want to be wanted.
Most importantly for this study, it found that what gets women sexually interested is for the woman to feel valued by the man.
That doesn’t mean that you have to do housework to get her turned on (although women tell me that it doesn’t hurt).
In the study, men could be responsive in many ways.
But the most important ways to be responsive were things like listening and discussing positive events in the past.
These things are often lost in longer relationships.
Couples do these things enthusiastically in the beginning.
But in an ongoing relationship, the couple often enters what we’ll call a “maintenance mode.”
This is the point where they stop these responsive behaviors without actually realizing it.
The couple’s sex life begins to wane as a result, and other issues could crop up.
So couples look for ways how to increase sex drive.
This study shows that men can easily get a woman more aroused and more interested in sex — simply by becoming more responsive to her.
By being nice to her and doing nice things, she’ll desire sex more frequently.
But this study showed that this approach backfires for a man who is trying to win over a woman who he hasn’t slept with yet.
The biggest takeaway is for a man who wants a woman who is more sexually interested in a long term relationship.
Perceptions are most important in a relationship.
If a woman perceives that you, the man, is interested in her, wanting her, and responsive to her other needs, she will be more likely to want to have sex with you.
Are you doing enough now?
Are you doing the little things that show you’re responsive to her?
The study shows how sometimes simple changes in behavior can completely change the sexual aspect of a relationship.
And these are really simple changes.
Responsiveness means listening to her, discussing positive events from your past, and discussing positive plans for the future.
It could really be that simple to ignite a woman’s sexual desire.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/305211692_Intimately_Connected_The_Importance_of_
Partner_Responsiveness_for_Experiencing_Sexual_Desire
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